I feel so awful. I wish I could help her. I hate this. Fuck.

what do you do when you girlfriend orgasms and then you start going but you’re interrupted. When you decide it’s safe to resume you’re just like “why am I so turned on,” and then she’s like “you’ve been like that for days.” Suddenly you feel like some sort of sex addict and you feel disgusting and you’re like “well I’m not going that anymore, not for a while.” Ugh.

End little journal, rant bullshit post.

(via illfcukyourbrainsout)

(via illfcukyourbrainsout)

I’m dating Emilie.

I hate Stephen.

Alex and I are just now texting, and I actually told Andrew I have no feelings for him. 

I haven’t cut in months.

But okay I need to vent, Emilie is depressed and I’m just worried. When you’re depressed you pull away and everything becomes less important and she’s spoiled me for nearly 3 months being the most important thing in her life and I just want her to be okay and lwendtlfnwedngwlrngowsg. 

(Source: my-world-is-black-and-white, via sunshineandwinter)

It’s so weird, I cannot believe I’m more than halfway done with highschool and I’m picking out my senior classes and it’s odd and enjoyable. 

If I go another day without talking to you … I’ll slit my wrists. But I’ve made it this far. It’s been so hard, and I just … You seemed to be the first official guy I opened up with, let into my house, and heart, and mind and I just want you here in my life because honestly after we had sex I couldn’t not imagine you in my life, no matter what I said, it was all bullshit. 

Everytime I tell someone I don’t think about you, it’s a lie. 

It’s all lies, piled on top of other lies, with a smile. And I just want to talk to you a simple text. My heart used to race when it showed up on my phone screen and I miss that feeling so much. 

I just miss having you as a friend, as someone to talk to. There was never any bullshit. You told me what was on your mind and you didn’t beat around the bush, and somehow though that’s not really me I did the same. I wouldn’t take back one minute I spent with you and though I promised myself I wouldn’t write about you I want to. 

I feel like you hate me and we’ll never make up and there will always be that WHAT IF. Hanging in the air, and I’ll move away and one night one of us will break the silence but it’ll be too late. And I don’t want to wait till then. I want your name on my phone screen now.m  

No matter what anyone says. I just … Want to die.

I don’t deserve stephen

I’m not going to text you because, you decided that we don’t talk anymore. That’s okay, I’m not sad or angry anymore. I miss talking though. I feel like I’ll always feel that way. I just miss you being in my life, it made me feel better, knowing that I didn’t give my virginity to someone who just left like so many other guys. You know? So happy 19th birthday. I hope you’re not working tonight, I hope you’re out with your girlfriend enjoying the night or doing something remotely interesting. It’s weird I don’t know how I really remembered I woke up and was like “Today is Andrew’s birthday.” But anyways … God, if we kept dating it would have been two years yesterday. It seems like a lifetime ago. I haven’t put much thought into this subject in a long time. 

Crying … lovely.